I Love My Children But I Hate My Life

I read the most interesting article about parenting by Jennifer Senior. She discusses why parents hate parenting. I'd love to start a forum about this subject. If you haven't read the article yet, take a look using the link above and come back and chat with me about it.

I first saw a link from MSN with the header I Love My Children But I Hate My Life and I instantly thought, "Who would say that?" But, honestly, how many parents have thought the same thing? Why is it taboo to say that you may be unhappy with the way your life has progressed? That it's nothing like you may have imagined?

The article sited many studies dedicated to finding out how parents feel about the transition into parenting. Most of the studies state that, as a whole, parents are more unhappy after children than before. Andrew Oswald, an economist, says: “The broad message is not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.” I believe that there lies the problem.

There are unrealistic expectations that are placed on parenthood. People believe that children will make their lives so much happier and tend to dilute themselves to the real and true struggle of raising other human beings into functioning, responsible members of society. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist and father and grandfather has made a name for himself showing that we humans are pretty sorry predictors of what will make us happy, and to his mind, the yearning for children, the literal mother of all aspirations for so many, is a very good case in point—what children really do, he suspects, is offer moments of transcendence, not an overall improvement in well-being.

The point was also made that parent's level of dissatisfaction grew with the amount of money they had. This really surprised me. Their guess as to why this is revolves around age and expectations. People who are at a higher economic status tend to wait a little longer to have children. They've established themselves in their businesses and the community and come to know exactly who they are as an individual. Now, “there’s a loss of freedom and a loss of autonomy. It’s totally different from going from your parents’ house to immediately having a baby. Now you know what you’re giving up” says Jean Twenge, a psychologist. “There’s all this buildup—as soon as I get this done, I’m going to have a baby, and it’s going to be a great reward!” says Ada Calhoun, the author of Instinctive Parenting and founding editor-in-chief of Babble, the online parenting site. “And then you’re like, ‘Wait, this is my reward? This nineteen-year grind?"

Older parents, after spending their entire adult lives in the work force, tend to feel that there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything. Unfortunately, this mind frame can be disastrous when applied to raising children. It can breed competitiveness against other families: "Lil Johnny didn't walk as quickly as Lil Jesse down the street so WE must be doing something wrong!"

I really enjoyed reading this article though I barely scratched the surface of the information provided in it in this blog post. I wonder how many parents would actually fess up to feeling, or having felt, similar feelings. I know I have! Unrealistic expectations alone can make a girl loose her mind! Ahhhh!!! Raising my kids has definately provided the most rewarding experiences in my life so I'm not saying it's bad or a regret. I just think it's unhealthy not to be able to express ALL of the feelings we have. Why do we have to censor our emotions?