In trying to create characters for my stories I have become intrigued with the process of how we become who we are. We are influenced by past experiences and the people who have come into our lives, even if just for a short time. Everything that we go through creates a new branch on our tree which provides depth into who we are. So, naturally, I started looking into my past to try and pinpoint a few people and experiences that shaped certain parts of me and what I learned from them. Names may have been changed to protect myself from angry people.
Ms. Lester was my 9th grade English teacher. I liked her a lot but her appearance really got on my nerves. She wasn't unattractive but it seemed to me that she went out of her way to appear bland. Tight bun in her hair (which was really long), frumpy clothes, no makeup and glasses that always slid down her nose. She constantly challenged me to give more effort than I tended to put forth in her class. This was really annoying. My main concern in life was checking out the boys in this new environment and looking cute. She wasn't impressed by any of that and began working really hard to get me to focus. Her efforts paid off and by the end of the year she managed to get me transferred into the advanced placement class. My opinion of her changed. I began the year thinking she was a cool lady but didn't believe that she could be as successful and smart as she actually was because of how she carried herself. My perception of success was all out of whack.
LIFE LESSON: Beauty does not equal success
I worked at a bank for two years. I was put into a program that sent a group of us to different locations for training sessions to, hopefully, prepare us for management positions. A fellow trainee, Michelle, became more and more intriguing to me as our program went on. She was blonde and would probably have a nice body if she worked out but she strutted around as if she was the center of every one's attention. She talked incessantly and, I think, wanted people to think that she was dumb. Reality was that she was extremely bright and, I found out later, quite ruthless.
We were away on a company trip and a group of us went out for dinner. We had an activity where we had to reveal the name to a song to our administrators but keep it a secret from our coworkers. That night at dinner, Michelle persuaded everyone to share their songs and she told us her song as well. The next day in training we had to guess which songs belonged to who and the winner got a prize. When Michelle revealed which song was hers it was different than the one she told us the night before. She won that little contest and when she was asked how she was able to guess so many, she looked at us and said, "Some people don't know how to keep their mouths shut."
LIFE LESSON: Some people won't hesitate to kill you so they can use you as a step stool
When I was growing up my family would take weekend trips to the mountains to camp and to the river to water ski. We would go with other families and usually had a large group. I loved all of my mother's friends but there was one woman in particular, Terri, who's personality made her my favorite. Terri didn't shave her bikini line or her legs. It was odd for me to see hair coming out from a woman's bathing suit because every other woman I saw took extreme care to remove all traces of hair. I witnessed this confident woman make no apologies or excuses for her lack of hair removal and she never attempted to hide her 'natural' decisions.
LIFE LESSON: I really doesn't matter what other people think
In elementary school I wasn't the IT girl. I didn't have the latest clothes, wear makeup or keep up with the latest trends. I just liked to play sports and I really enjoyed being a kid. Many of my friends and classmates spent a lot of time doing the "I like boys" thing and that pretty much dominated their existence. I wasn't too much involved in all of that because the boys didn't seem to like me in that way and I had no interest in being rejected. There was one boy, Steven, who would tease me. One day would be focused on my full lips, the next was about my fluffy hair and it usually ended with some witty remark about my lack of breasts. It didn't bother me that much because Steven was pudgy and frequently smelled like fish. Who gave a flip about what he thought?
Over the summer leading to 7th grade a form of magic happened and I grew some respectable sized boobs! My mother took me to get my hair done and suddenly I was getting attention in Jr. High from the same boys who paid me none just 3 months earlier! And yes, Steven was one of those sad, hormone-charged males. I remember him catching up to me in the campus hallway one day and, while staring at my lip gloss-covered lips, told me how sexy my lips were. HA! Are you kidding me? You mean these fish lips that repulsed you in 6th grade are now a source of enticement? It was then that I realized that...
LIFE LESSON: Boys are stupid
When I was younger my dad had a friend named LeRon. LeRon was a very interesting character who I may incorporate into a future story. Long story short; he was in a relationship (committed or not, I do not know) with a woman for at least 15 years. They lived together, had teen aged children together and by all accounts were living as husband and wife. They weren't though. LeRon refused to marry her. Not because he didn't love her, but because he was leaving himself free just in case something better came along. He even told my dad that after he won the lotto, he was going to leave her. I don't think my dad is still friends with him so I don't know if his dreams of hitting those numbers ever came to pass but I did walk away from him having learned something.
LIFE LESSON: Just because you grow older does not mean you grow up
During my crazy college years I met a guy from another campus. I didn't find him at all attractive but he was a nice guy so I gave him my phone number. I got a few interesting glances from my friends but I'd dated a string of good-looking jerks so I figured I'd give him a go... couldn't hurt. We had a lot of fun that summer and I really started to like him. Then I found out that he had a long-term relationship with another woman that was still going strong.
This other lady was of another race and, as it turned out, they really loved each other. They'd been together 2 years but she told me that he never took her out much. Funny, I thought, we go out all the time. I'd met his fraternity brothers and his parents even took me out to dinner for my birthday. So he loved her but never took her around family and friends and he just met me and showed me off every chance he could? Hhhmmm......
A-HA!! I'm the trophy girlfriend! This dude was too weak to bring home a woman of another race so he found someone else to fill that role while loving her in private. Pitiful.
LIFE LESSON: Some people will sideline what they really want in life for social acceptance
I had a friend in college who was easily the nicest person that I had ever met. He smiled constantly, was always positive and you could always count on him for a laugh. I'll call him Collin. As far as I know, he had no enemies and had never intentionally hurt anyone.
Collin was murdered a few months after he graduated from college. He was shot while sitting in a car outside a friend's house by someone who mistook him for someone else. He was 22 years old.
LIFE LESSON: Life isn't fair
I meet people everyday who influence, intrigue and confuse me. I may make another of these lists in a year or so and see how many more I can add.
